your parents love me but you hate me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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