I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
50% drunk capacity currently
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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