We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
