ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
