So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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