So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
