I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
