I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
