I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
