i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
