dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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