she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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