Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
