he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
