She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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