im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
