Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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