I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
