Got a toothbrush?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
