Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
