Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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