I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
