1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
