And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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