hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We left the knife in your bed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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