How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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