this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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