If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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