i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
