we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
