The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
