porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
