it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
