hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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