mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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