Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
