dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
