Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
