Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
