Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize