they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
