Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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