I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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