You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
