i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
