I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i would punch a child for taco bell
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
