Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
