It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
