biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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