Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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