Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
smell my finger.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize