i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
