shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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