No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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