I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize