I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
