i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
