Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
