First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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