She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's blow job season.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
