I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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