thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
