I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
