nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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