Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
