how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
