Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
