I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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