Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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