i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
