In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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