lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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