You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
