I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
