census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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