Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
