She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
