I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
